My Life Would Be Better If...
My life is wonderful. I have a stable roof above my head, I never have to worry about my next meal, I make it to pay day with ease and I know that when I move out, my parents will be able to help me out. So why isn't this enough?
I'm a British, white male who hasn't had many hardships in their life, so it's easy for me to take life for granted. But even in my easy life, I'm still riddled with "What ifs" in my brain - which I think is healthy. It's always good to think progressively and no one should settle with what they have. Sometimes when you speak your thoughts into the world, the world will speak back. People may say this is an act of God, others will say it is a way to spur yourself on to make the changes yourself. So let's spur myself on because I'm ill and feeling low.
My life would be better if I moved out. I've only recently hit my 20s and I understand that in current climate, this is a very young age to move out. With all my friends at uni, or paying their parents large amounts of rent, I continually think that the deed should be done. The opportunities present themselves, and it would be a gateway to experiencing true adulthood. There are only so many ways to prove your adult lifestyle whilst living with [a] parent(s). Let me be responsible for my washing. Let me pay the price for missing my water bill. Let me have to stumble back to my dad's house to pick up the spare key because I've locked myself out for the 3rd time this week. I'm ready.
My life would be better if I had a stable sex life. Better yet, let me rephrase that. My life would be better if I had a community round me that would comfortably discuss gay sex with. I am fairly limited with who I can talk to about gay sex, because it was never discussed in school. Anal sex is seen as taboo or BDSM to some vanilla hetros. In a non-perverted way, I want to know about other people's experiences. What feels good? Are sex toys exclusive to certain people? There's only so many conversations I can have with my straight friend about that 'one time' she 'accidentally' had anal sex because he was 'being too rough'. Okay girly, get your life in what ever way possible. Either way, I've accepted the fact that I'm going through my slut phase and could just do with a quick, easy - yet safe - shag.
My life would be better if I had true companionship. I've recently felt really lost. I don't connect with people the way I did in secondary school. Friendships seem temporary and half sought after. No one seems to want to fully know me anymore. Funny story about this actually - I've created an incredibly toxic mind frame around this, in that, I think that I'm an intimidating person to be around. In reality, I'm just really loud, blunt and explicit in room full of PG-rated people.
My life would be better if I exercised my creative ability. BUT. But... I do blame this one on the fact that resources are expensive as fuck. Art is an expensive hobby, whether you're drawing, painting, sculpting, filming or singing. Everything comes with a price. When you're not talented enough for a sponsor or to make money selling your work, art can be brutal. Again, this is a massive excuse because there is a loophole to everything. The world in itself is a canvas, and it's up to me to decorate it how I wish. [P.S. Podcast coming very very soon, hoping for a March release.]
My life would be better if I made like £200 extra a month. Growing up, £100 was a big fucking deal. 3 digits? Are you having a laugh? It's like we had struck oil. You could get so much for £100 at 10 years old. Fast forward to your 20s and £200 has left my account on payday for my car insurance and phone bill. [Side note, I just check my O2 app to make sure I paid my phone bill and got charged £2.50 extra for a work-related call. Best believe I'm getting that compensated tomorrow. Cheek of it all, honestly.] Money is fine, but I could be doing so much with that tiny bit more every month. This would no doubt change after a few months as I adjust to the pay and would eventually need an additional £200 but I suppose I could still fantasise about it.
Anyways, I'm over this post already. This post is me whinging about common shit that I'm in control of, but just haven't learned to change yet. As I said, I'm speaking out into the universe. Consider this as a way for me to look back in the future as a tick box. I might reply to this post one day, that would be cool.
I'm a British, white male who hasn't had many hardships in their life, so it's easy for me to take life for granted. But even in my easy life, I'm still riddled with "What ifs" in my brain - which I think is healthy. It's always good to think progressively and no one should settle with what they have. Sometimes when you speak your thoughts into the world, the world will speak back. People may say this is an act of God, others will say it is a way to spur yourself on to make the changes yourself. So let's spur myself on because I'm ill and feeling low.
My life would be better if I moved out. I've only recently hit my 20s and I understand that in current climate, this is a very young age to move out. With all my friends at uni, or paying their parents large amounts of rent, I continually think that the deed should be done. The opportunities present themselves, and it would be a gateway to experiencing true adulthood. There are only so many ways to prove your adult lifestyle whilst living with [a] parent(s). Let me be responsible for my washing. Let me pay the price for missing my water bill. Let me have to stumble back to my dad's house to pick up the spare key because I've locked myself out for the 3rd time this week. I'm ready.
My life would be better if I had a stable sex life. Better yet, let me rephrase that. My life would be better if I had a community round me that would comfortably discuss gay sex with. I am fairly limited with who I can talk to about gay sex, because it was never discussed in school. Anal sex is seen as taboo or BDSM to some vanilla hetros. In a non-perverted way, I want to know about other people's experiences. What feels good? Are sex toys exclusive to certain people? There's only so many conversations I can have with my straight friend about that 'one time' she 'accidentally' had anal sex because he was 'being too rough'. Okay girly, get your life in what ever way possible. Either way, I've accepted the fact that I'm going through my slut phase and could just do with a quick, easy - yet safe - shag.
My life would be better if I exercised my creative ability. BUT. But... I do blame this one on the fact that resources are expensive as fuck. Art is an expensive hobby, whether you're drawing, painting, sculpting, filming or singing. Everything comes with a price. When you're not talented enough for a sponsor or to make money selling your work, art can be brutal. Again, this is a massive excuse because there is a loophole to everything. The world in itself is a canvas, and it's up to me to decorate it how I wish. [P.S. Podcast coming very very soon, hoping for a March release.]
My life would be better if I made like £200 extra a month. Growing up, £100 was a big fucking deal. 3 digits? Are you having a laugh? It's like we had struck oil. You could get so much for £100 at 10 years old. Fast forward to your 20s and £200 has left my account on payday for my car insurance and phone bill. [Side note, I just check my O2 app to make sure I paid my phone bill and got charged £2.50 extra for a work-related call. Best believe I'm getting that compensated tomorrow. Cheek of it all, honestly.] Money is fine, but I could be doing so much with that tiny bit more every month. This would no doubt change after a few months as I adjust to the pay and would eventually need an additional £200 but I suppose I could still fantasise about it.
Anyways, I'm over this post already. This post is me whinging about common shit that I'm in control of, but just haven't learned to change yet. As I said, I'm speaking out into the universe. Consider this as a way for me to look back in the future as a tick box. I might reply to this post one day, that would be cool.
