Okay, so I went to a gathering round someone's house today for a couple hours. My attention is always diverted to my personal thoughts, and I just have a couple of questions I would like to ask...

Why is discrimination taught? 

Why would any parent teacher their child that there is a certain 'group' of people you should not associate with? Like it's one thing not agreeing with the gays, blacks, women etc. through your own self-hatred. But these people have sex, go through nine months of struggle, raise the child, bathe, feed, shelter them. Then at a certain age, when the child is old enough to understand shit, adults think they can say "Yeah, no, they're corrupt." ?!?!?!?! what.

Why are there still British teenagers who aren't allowed 'out' at 18 years old?

I know it's a stereotype that white kids can get away with a lot more shit than other people. But at 18 - when the eyes of the law deem you as a legal adult, why are parents still intervening? This is not the case for me; I go out, experiment with alcohol, drugs and sex. But I wouldn't say I'm a corrupt or troubled individual? (Open to opinions) Aren't you sheltering your kids from the real world?

Why are humans built with so much hatred?

I could just be in a really shit mood today, but jesus christ - everyone seems to be fired up all the time! A lot of this hatred is seed on Twitter because of my interest in pop culture; I naturally follow other pop culture fans, and specialised fanbase accounts. They all find it so hard to praise artists without tearing down undeserving artists! Then in real life, I live in a pretty big town with thousands of teenagers. So why is it that whenever I talk to ANYONE my age, they seem to have beef with the person I had previously talked to? 

Why is Chart Music deemed bad - when they are based on popularity of sales/streams?

Okay, the the music may not be tailored to your taste. But 1) How can you slate a collection of 40/50/100 songs entirely? Surely you can go through that list and find a handful of guilty pleasures at least? 2) Anyone with the most basic internet knowledge will know that there is plenty more music available on the internet. I'm pretty sure you'll be able to find something much worse.

Why is Uni still such a normal thing for UK teenagers?

University used to be free, and still is in certain areas. But a large percentage put starting prices at £60,000 - before even considering living fees, food, text books etc. Why does this appeal to so many people?! I've talked to many adults who have a specialised degree and currently in a job where their degree was not required. SO WHAT IS THE POINT?! 

Is it normal to feel 'too lazy to live'?

Now, before anyone reads into this as a hidden suicide message - I really would like to reassure everyone reading that I am perfectly stable and happy in life. But sitting in bed, downloading various Kanye West/Tinashe demos and listening to my February playlist, all I could think of was how truly lazy I am. Plenty of my friends are heading off to Uni, placement or starting their careers - I just can not be arsed to start any of this yet. A lot of these people haven't even turned 18 yet - why are you looking into starting a CAREER? Stop cutting your teen years short you weirdos. So when I say, "I'm too lazy to live", I probably should have said I'm too lazy to transition into adulthood.

Also, the image is a picture of me from 2008 visiting family from Croydon at a dodgy restaurant. My nan was telling me that there have been stabbings in there before as we walked out.

Okay done, thanks for reading lmao. 

Right, so I've stumbled across this YouTube video of Thomas Lloyd talking about his pride and

owning his identity at a TEDx conference...

His initial question came from peers and family members who ask "Why are [you] so gay?" and it resonated well with. Anyone who knows me understands when a misrepresented group is put at large, I actively speak out. Now, as for Lloyd's direct comments on his experiences and what he has learned from extensive research, I have nothing more to say. Lloyd made an engaging speech, which included satirical references and made sure to speak out on the issue of black men not being able to speak on their experiences with the HIV/Aids crisis.

The video sparked an internal dialogue, and made me realise how everyone in the LGBTQ+ community has a god forsaken right to be as loud and out as physically possible. I'm not exactly feeling a long, emotional post today... so let me bulletpoint this.

* - Bug Chasers are gay men actively looking to contract HIV. It's been slated as a form of self harm, and anyone dealing with or knows anyone actively looking to contract HIV should seek medical help.

I can feel myself getting angry just typing this out. It pains me to see people letting the world swallow them up because their family, peers or government don't 'agree' with their lifestyle. It makes me every more angry because my own experiences with coming out as gay have proved that all it takes it to be open, proud and being a likeable human being, for people to change their own opinions. Fuck this stigma that the LGBTQ+ community hold for being extremists. Fuck homophobia. Fuck every last ounce of self-hatred that the world puts into these little boys and girls through subliminal messaging.

PART 1

I find it incredibly interesting that our individual lives are so unique. We have only ever experienced one life, one series of events. Our internal dialogue is our own, and a particular voice that no one will ever be able to hear (until technology improves of course, damn you progressive world!). But isn't it amazing that the little voice in our head can get us into trouble? The voice you're reading this very passage in is deciphering a message, picturing it and making sense of it in a very quick amount of time. So if we come to understand these 'codes' or 'messages' so quickly, why do certain situations or scenarios take so much longer to understand or come to terms with? Why does it take us so much longer to understand someone else's perspective? Of course this statement is very trivial, and there are very obvious reasons around it.

The logic behind this blog post is for me to make sense out of a series of events that have occurred over the last month or so. On more than one occasion, individuals have jumped to conclusions very quickly - almost as if they're reading a text message or a passage in a newspaper. They believe that one tiny passage of information is a full analysis and descriptive piece on exactly what happened. It's very easy to blame the digital world we live in; where communication with literally anyone in the planet being so easy and quick.

PART 2

Would you tell someone you're madly in love with someone you've only been in contact with for a month? Could it be argued that you are move in love with the concept of someone being there for you, and personality traits don't play a massive part? Only until this year have I realised that people, or the outside perspective as I like to call it, can alter that little voice in your head. Through the choice of their words, actions, and and common mannerisms, that voice becomes a new person.

PART 3

Outside perspectives change all the time; age, social groups, living conditions, exposure and so many factors can alter perception. But only until recently have I realised that people can have a direct hit on someone's internal perspective. Suddenly a person you've grown fond of becomes bitter and agitated. I questioned whether it was my own internal perspective being messed up, but the signs pointed to one person. Is it any surprise that the person you admitted to loving after a month has you tied up like a puppet? No one realises it's happening, until damage has been done - which is the truly horrifying reality of it all.

PART 4 - A PREDICTION

Running back very quickly to a person who once meant so much to you can also be equally as damaging. The person you're running back to has their own internal perspective - my voice is saying that this person does not help me progress in any way. They are no longer helpful in life, they are no longer part of your life, rather, someone who is 'there'. It's horrible to picture, but it happens far too often in my life. You've always been friends, but this begins to feel like a break up - even though the two were never romantically or sexually involved. Why is that? We've grown distant from each other, we argue and don't see from eye-to-eye, yet I'm the one that's damaged? Why is that? My internal perspective is hurting this time. 

interlude.

What started off as a very clear rant in my head, became a satisfying poetic justice. Although the comments I've made are coming across as very direct, I can assure anyone reading that this is very general. It's more like a general experience for myself whenever I see a friendship I believe(d) in crumbling apart. I know it comes across as soppy and over-dramatic, but after spending five hours in a car across the South-East coast of England, I've had some time to think.

PART 5

The truth is, I'm bored. I'm so very fucking bored of everything around me. As much as I find comfort in routines and schedules, I've found that I lose my purpose after a while. Having college five times a week, then working over the weekends has really affected my purpose. When it comes to weeks like this, where I'm only required to be in college for three hours in total, I sit back and kind of wait for something to happen. I rely on other people to make plans, I rely on suggestions, I rely on inspiration, I rely on spontaneous events. This is one of the only times I can safely thank my younger self for being so creepy, and gaining the confidence to just talk to anyone.

epilogue.

From a young age, I added everyone on Facebook (within reason). For example, I would go through my suggested friends and click on the profiles with a fair few mutual friends. From there, I would go through their details and see what school they went to and how old they were. As long as they weren't five years older than me and already looking to leave University, you can guarantee I was adding everyone I had mutual details with. Although it sounds creepy on paper, it meant that I was able to make so many friends for different social contexts. Whether that was under age clubbing, getting invited to house parties, or just hanging out at the weekends in bed eating pizza. Even working in retails for the past ~2 years has meant that my comfortability with strangers has increased. [Okay, don't worry, I've just read what I've typed. Prepare yourself for the inevitable 'Don''t trust strangers' post, with a very morbid story no doubt in the near future.]

To finish this post off, please enjoy this very fitting Disclosure song off of their debut album, 'Settle'.

"There are voices in my head, and my heart is trying hard to drown them out."

"You bring out the darkest side of me."

This term has always been my favourite, mainly because I identify with it so closely. I know the progressive world doesn't believe in labels when it comes to sexuality or gender, but non-conformist just seems to fit.

With a simple Google search, we find that:

This is the video that made me fall in love with the girls - but it doesn't hint at what they're capable of achieving with their looks.

The psychedelic twins mix their raspy voices with their Addams Family inspired faces to create a hypnotic persona which leaves audiences intrigued. 

My next favourite is the original $LUT. Brooke Candy tells you not to give a FUCK. This freaky princess is a feminist with a new platform. Coming up through internet blogs, and collaborating with other indie princesses such as Charli XCX & Grimes - Brooke is a force to be reckoned with. Her infamous like "Next time they call you a slut, Brooke Candy tell you not to give a fuck." will forever be my favourite line from anyone ever. Her aim is to reclaim derogatory words and phrases against woman and empower them. Her outlandish looks, and controversial raps makes her such an ideal and force in modern pop culture. A lot of you have most likely not heard of her, but all I can ask is that you check out her new new single, the Sia-penned hit 'Happy Days'. Catch her just before she crosses over into the pop industry... OR, check out the fan favourite, 'Opulence' - the title track to her first iTunes release.

Okay so my next favourite is 'Grimes'. I've known about Grimes for years now, and never gave a single fuck about her. I'm not going to lie and say I've been a fan from day 1 - my first impression was 'try hard white girl posing with a snake pretending to be a Japanese Britney Spears'... honestly, you think I'm joking. Peep Brooke in the background!

ok this post is turning into music appreciation and there are drunk teens in my house night x

Okay, so call me an avid porn watcher. It's got to the point now where mainstream television is dead, Netflix selections are dry, and TheFineBro's YouTube channel is going down the toilet. Porn is great! At least from the view point it is. As a gay white male from the working class, in a Western society; I can safely practice my privilege with no shame. So here's my experiences:

I discovered porn at a very young age. I got my first iPod Touch back when I was around... 10 shall we say? My innocent young mind loved the idea of kissing. The idea of being mutually attracted to someone, and loving someone. Kissing was the ultimate goal and the true way of showing love for someone at that age. I remember googling "boys kissing" just to see what would come out, out of pure curiosity. Crappy YouTube videos of shit Spanish dramas came out of secret gay couples who would make out between shits at a bar were making my heart flutter. It was honestly mad to me - but I never imagined myself in those situation. 

Secondary school comes around and everyone's talking boyfriends and girlfriends. After my premature kissing addiction faded, I found myself drawn to a girl an started a very restricted relationship. (Honestly, this sounds like I'm going off topic, stay with me on this). We fell in and out of the relationship, as much as a 13 year old would, to the point where we both said enough is enough and we went our separate ways. Less than a month after our final break-up, I came out as an openly gay male - it confused everyone, but deep down, it made sense to me.

Okay - so I'm very proudly out now, and very open about my experiences, thoughts and opinions on LGBT everything. Seriously, I was obsessed! As one of the first openly gay people in my school, I felt as though it were my right to stand up to issues and comment on the media. Part of this meant that I would be commenting on the porn industry as a whole, and what porn meant to me

For those of you just interested in porn, read from here!

It may come as a surprise to everyone; but I actually watch gay porn. Shocking, I know. It's still such a taboo, even though we're supposedly this 'progressive society'. When I say I watch gay porn, I actually mean, me and my friends send links and screenshots - near enough analysing, and recommending great links. Thank god I have great friends looking out for me! From my being so open minded about porn, I decided to do some research on the porn industry as a whole (Who am I kidding? I watch 'When Porn Ends' on Netflix.) The documentary shocked me. It seemed that this idealistic dream to many was actually a career that would struggle to make end's meat (no pun intended) by the time actors where 26! 30?! Hardly enough time to reach a mid-life crisis. Now, of the documentaries I've watched, many have been of straight actors, and those who occasionally dip into bondage/lesbian scenes. The girls in these scenes go through so much emotional bullying to play this 'helpless' wench, in a patriarchal world. Don't mean to get all political, but I was so confused...

So here's why I was confused. I can't stress enough about how much porn I watch - I follow porn stars on Twitter, have favourite actors, and catch up on their lives. Most of it's not even for pleasure - it just all intrigues me! Take my all time favourite, Francois Sagat - a now retired star, who runs his own successful underwear line, and also models on the side. This built up, muscular, French model would be perceived as a typical straight male down the streets (probably quite douchy, self obsessed, and only got sex on their mind - sorry lads.) In reality, this business man has a very feminine side to him, and ventured into the drag community, and isn't afraid to show a beat face of make-up. 

Because of my love for LGBT+ rights, I follow many gay activists/lifestyle advice YouTube channels - including the ever popular, DaveyWavey. Davey is known for hanging out with LA's finest GoGo Dancers and porn stars, and I admit to recognising a fair few of his collaborators. So why don't we see this kind of exposure in female porn stars? I'm going to take a long hard guess at this:

It's sexism. In a world were women are becoming more visible, and faster than ever, the need for women in the porn industry is still being questioned. We live in a world were up to 70% of the popular identify as straight-conforming, yet women are still seen as sluts and whores if they DARE mention they even watch porn. What's that all about? I definitely have internal-sexism in me from the culture I have grown up in, and the social constructs I have grown to believe in. However, I don't let this define me, and I have decided to be woke up on the subject by doing my homework. 

I suppose the point of this lengthy text post is to ask, can we get more personalities in the straight/lesbian porn industry without these fake, sultry acts. I'm sure that part of the reason that most of my female friends don't watch porn because it's so scripted and unrealistic. Gay porn is so much closer to the real thing (minus the typical massage/coach & student plot lines).

• is this a lie
• OH SHIT no it's real!!
• whAT
• At the moment she's supposedly not allowed to record outside of dr Luke's company... but it's progress
• WHAT DOES THIS MEAN
• the final cut from Dr Luke is on the 15th Feb
• YAAAAAY
• There are two parts to the court case!! The first is the sexual abuse that happened - he date raped her, she would often wake up in unfamiliar hotel rooms after being in the studio
• The second is breaking from her contract with Universal Music Group, which was legally signed by Dr Luke as well
• so what has just happened now
• sorry im so ignorant to this
• ur my go to
• He's technically playing her second manager and choosing her life for her. This happened with Britney Spears years ago as well. She was often sedated, and that's why she eventually lost it in 2007. It also explains she she kind of 'lost it' with her performances - she's very robotic now, and it's just uncomfortable to watch... Especially her 2008 Circus Tour
• Kesha's just won the first part of the case, which means that Luke will most likely be labelled as a Sex Offender now
• bloody hell
• good i hope he rots
• The whole case is being run with Kesha's mum as well. The only reason Kesha is taking legal action is because unlike Britney's family, her mum has seen it first hand. Part of the contracts means she's also not allowed to tweet anything from her PERSONAL ACCOUNT... So Kesha has been tweeting from her mums account and exposing him of all the weird and creepy shit he's been doing to her
• wtf thats so fucked up
• Kesha's mum has had access to the studio as she is a primary writer for the majority of Kesha's music. A lot of Kesha's style is deep and artistic, but her vision is BUTCHERED by Luke to be this drunken party girl. Like don't get me wrong, the girl is loopy.... but she's not respected by the general public
• Anyone who follows pop celebrities and underground leaks will know that her unreleased collection is clearly the best of her discography... it's sad, honestly. She writes AMAZING pop music, but can't share any of it until Universal butcher it so she can become this huge pop star
• this guy is a proper cunt
• It's terrifying though, because literally every main pop star right now is signed under THAT label. It's a veeeery powerful label with a lot of money, and knowledge around loopholes. What Kesha is doing is HUGE.
• good on her though!!!!
• he's such a fucjung creep
• *My image*
  
• I mean... look at the first few artists when you google them
• But Dr Luke is respected in the industry because of his accolades. He's created so many big pop songs of the 21st Century, so to get him on your roster is a big thing! I mean... Katy Perry's Teenage Dream album was almost entirely produced by the guy and the album ended up equalling Michael Jackson's record for most number ones on an album
• Sorry I'm like full on ranting here, but the music industry are so corrupt
• has he not done anything to any of the other women or men signed???
• but he's sexually abusive and rAPIST might i add
• why does that not matter to people?!
• Can't be too certain! Kesha was signed when she was 16, so was very young and dumb at the time. She basically signed her life away, whereas a lot of these older artists worked their way up and had legal teams cover their contact and most likely negotiated
• Exactly!! Because Universal have THIS MUCH power, American media are just not documenting it because a respected white business man is being questioned in regards to his personal life
• The only people who are actually talking about this are people involved with pop culture! Like, I've seen plenty of feminist blogs pop up saying it's disgusting that this isn't a well known topic for the general public. Even if you're not a fan of Kesha's music... this is a woman's LIFE and CAREER being put at risk
• thats absolutely awful
• im shocked like
• how the fuck is nobody mention this
• its HUGE
• EXACTLY!!
• This could actually alter the charts for a VERY long time!
• Without Luke's music, we could practically say bye bye to a lot of generic music as well
• I'm so grateful that we have producers like Stargate, Diplo, Paul Epsworth and Mark Ronson - all white men, but they can respect females in the industry AND create hits after hits
• (Even though Diplo has been questioned because of a case with M.I.A. but meh...)
• I LOVE talking about this kind of stuff, I feel so woke
• tbh more music producers come in all the time with MUCH more talent than this shitty pop stuff
• why tf have universal not done anything though like they're a huge fucking company and he's not that good
• Just look at his Production Discography... the amount of hits and number ones he has under his belt is ridiculous https://en.m.wikipedia/wiki/Dr._Luke_production_discography
• Because the found of Universal is... you guessed it *my image*

• A WHITE MALE WITH NO MORALES!
• Jimmy Iovine is a huge name in the music industry, why would he turn Luke away when he is the primary reason he is getting paid?
• Ok right now they're probably on bad terms because Universal will have to primarily pay for the case
• horrendous
• he's done loads of shit
• AAAAAND... can I just say that Jimmy Iovine also runs beat *Insert 6 of those overly sarcastic upside-down smiley emojis* THINK OF THE MONEY IN HIS POCKET RIGHT NOW
• Jimmy Iovine's current net worth is $970 million... compared to Kesha's $40 million, that's nothing
• fucking hell he's minted
• shit
• fUCK UNIVERSAL
• And they still say that illegal downloads have 'ruined' the music industry... HA
• NOT RLY
• FUCKING RIDICULOUS
• This is another reason why Lady Gaga is respected. She went through the same sort of thing with her management at Cherrytree Records. She was manipulated and sexually abused when Poker Face became a thing. But because this was MANAGEMENT of a record label which is co-owned by Interscope (owned by none other than Jimmy Iovine), it was heavily swept under the rugs. Gaga compromised her contract and ended up being managed soley by Interscope - which is why her net worth increaed significantly. Gaga is an amazing artist and woman, but again, she's under appreciated by the GP because she "Wears weird clothes and and her songs don't make sense". A lot of this story was told in the Marry the Night video, and I heavily suggest reading some analysis of the video because its fascinating
• what is she attempting to do (kesha) is she trying to buy out her contract or sue them or what??
• BOTH why is why this is sOOO big
• She's getting mild media coverage, so this will work in her favour
• If she loses - she's lost her career and will never legally be allowed to release music again. If she wins... then holy shit the future is untold
• and the luke cunt gets away scratch free
• would he get fired if she wont
• probs not
• Oh yeah Luke will hardly be touched, he'll probably get fined a couple mill'