I remember coming out of year 11 absolutely beaming - knowing that I was coming out of compulsory education and having the ability to pick up A Levels that I knew I enjoyed. When I started college, all I could think about was that there were so many options from here on out. Life really is a series of choice.
"Life is a series of choices. What you eat. How you look. Whether you do drugs or not. See, only you can decide because the only person responsible is you. And if you make the right choice, there’s nothing you can’t accomplish. If you make the wrong choice, all your decisions will be made for you." - Extracted from Azealia Banks' song 'FANTASEA'.
It was then that I started realising that people were making the wrong decisions - dropping out because they were too lazy. Taking to the drug world because it was an escape from reality. These people were generally not making life a positive experience for themselves.
College ends and life is exciting - I have friends across the country, going to different universities and exploring themselves. I have friends going on holiday to the furthest points of the world from myself. I, myself was travelling and going to concerts. I went on holiday this year to the UAE - part of the world I never expected to find myself in. The last year has been a Gap year in a sense as I was still in part time work; not particularly looking for full time work. I knew that university wasn't for me and shared that thought process with a group of friends. I was content with the knowledge that I can travel the UK, visiting my friends at their respective universities - whilst also having friends at home, who I knew I could meet for a drink down at the pub.
Something happened over the last year and it seems a lot of these friends aren't ready for the reality of the world. They've taken the term 'gap year' seriously and are going back to education as of September. Whether this was their intention from the beginning, or they lost their sense of direction, this is their new reality. But with this reflection, I have to sit back and ask; "What happens to me now?"
I'm in a new job, 2 months in as of the 3rd of September. The people in my office are lovely, and we have the kind of banter you would expect from people who have known each other for 10 years. It wasn't until last week that I realised that my work life will also be affected. Over the summer, a lot of 21/22 year old students have come and go through the offices as they were on a summer break. It wasn't until I looked around the office and realised how much change there was going to be over the coming weeks.
When you become an adult, your workplace is the most likely source of friendship - it's the people you're spending multiple hours a day with. It's the people you're put up against in a sometimes challenging situation. But with this reflection, I have to sit back and ask; "What happens to me now?" Knowing that these people won't be staying round long enough to form meaningful, lifelong friendships whilst I'm in a permanent position. Have I made the wrong decision?
The concept of university has always been complex to me. The idea of getting drunk every weekend on cheap, unknown booze is the immediate turn off. Then there's the idea of committing yourself to a single subject for 3/4 years. My brain loses interest very quickly, and it's this fear of losing interest overtime which completely turns me off - who knows what subject I would even begin with.
Now, university isn't my idea of hell. I absolutely understand all of the amazing advantages and opportunities that are presented through extensive education. The social advantages - crossing paths with people from all different parts of the country, the access to people your own age and in your own department. There's a reason why people make friends for life at uni. But it's just not for me.
So with all my friends seemingly finding their way back into education over the next weeks, I have to rather selfishly ask "What happens to me now?" My life revolves around my social life. I live for the weekends. My incentives through the day are meeting my friends for useless trips down to Brighton and midnight runs to McDonalds. Will I have to wait until the Christmas break to truly enjoy my friend groups again? Or is this all just the harsh reality of adulthood?
I know this isn't a bad decision - it's my own path in life and I know what's best for me. So why do I still feel as though my decisions are being made for me? Why does my extroverted personality have to combat with itself?
This isn't a huge thing in life, I know, especially considering our social and political climate as of late (Don't get me started on those god damn fucking Nazis). But I'm scared. I'm scared of what's next. I don't want to resort back to being an 'internet' person who only thrives behind a screen whilst I see my friends flourishing. There are other options after college, but it really does feel like university is the only acceptable one.
Oh and holy shit I'm so single, but I didn't have enough to say to make a big post that. That's a pretty black and white statement. Haha.
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