Tuesday 6 September 2016

What am I grateful for?


It's been a while since I've posted. My initial reason for starting this blog was because I was very angry at the world; a lot of things bothered me, and I felt the rest of the world cared. But blogging has become an outlet for me to create lengthy rants that only a small group of people will read.

Coming into the new school year has made realise that I'm grateful for a lot of things. Having recently turned 19, I'd like to think I'm becoming pretty experienced in life; but obviously there's always room for improvements and further reading. Knowing that this time next year, I'll be starting my third decade being alive has been scary but also quite comforting.
~
1 - I've learnt that the world is never really against me. Whether that's because I'm a white male with a whole lot of privilege, or the realisation that you really do decide your own fate 90% of the time. You really do have choice to get off your arse and do something; but you also have the choice to relax once a week and go (metaphorically) brain dead for a second. There shouldn't be any guilt behind that. I'm very grateful that I learnt that pretty much as soon as I started secondary school (age 11/12). It really helped with my learning process, and it's something I've tried to pass along to my peers for years.

2 - As a counterpart to my last point; I'm very grateful that I've completed my education. Education is so exciting to me - you can either see it as a 9-3:30 chore, or check the pros and cons. I personally believe compulsory education should be viewed as highly selective. You need to realise that you only really need to take it particular areas to excel in this world. There's a lot of information presented to you, but not all of it is necessary. Education is all about reading between the lines and realising that there's a lot of further reading after your teacher has lectured you. (I've been drinking and can already tell this paragraph isn't coherent in the slightest. Just constantly look at education as a blessing and not a systematic chore).

3 - I'm grateful for the time period I was born in. I was born into an era where race, sexuality and religion are taught separately; but also understood universally. Although we've not progressed to being entirely grateful for these beautiful diversities; I do believe our world is at a point where the good outnumber the bad. Not only have we seen progression in the sociological world; but we've seen technology integrate itself into our community in such an unimaginable way that it leaves me smiling just typing this. Technology doesn't stop at Twitter and the newest Xbox - technology is now vital in; medicine, literature, creative arts etc. We're at a pinnacle point in humanity where we are not dependent on technology, but we understand its importance. And wow isn't that exciting to a millennial who is constantly being told that we need to get off their phone.

4 - The world is a beautiful place. The sooner you can realise beauty in the somewhat uglier parts, the better your life becomes. To have any form of vision in itself is a wonderful, wonderful thing. To experience the world in in its truest, highest quality is a small portion of life that the majority take for granted. The way we have a spectrum of colours, the way light reflects off of certain surfaces, the mathematical science behind nature, the craftsmanship of structure. We're all wrapped up in this busy world of getting from point A to point B, that we need to take a break for half a second and just appreciate that a lot of us lack our basic senses. 

5 - Music sends us into different worlds. Looking past different genres, you really can find specific instruments in certain songs that do something to your mood. For example, I was listening to Kanye West's 'Ultralight Beam' at the beginning of this post, and the choir really does affect my mood every time I listen to it. This minor key song is downplayed in its greatness, but I can't help but smile as I hear the child preaching about the lord in the first few seconds. A few minutes in, I manage to find comfort in Chance the Rapper reciting the lines "When they come for you, I will shield your name. I will field their questions, I will feel your pain."
I have no doubt in my mind that this emotional attach I have to 'Ultralight Beam' is very individual, but that's part of the magic behind music. It's amazing that we all interpret music differently; even though many critics say the world is "running out of music" due to the lack of melodic rhythms and riff patterns in modern pop music. 

I'm going to leave this post at only 5 points; mainly because I'm running out of white wine, but also because I'm getting tired of typing. It's been way too long since I've ranted like this - god knows how I used to spew 2/3 posts a night out.
Let this post be a reality check for where you are in life. Without this turning into some hippy bullshit; interpret the world from a different angle and the world will do the rest of the work. It's not all bad out there!

Sunday 26 June 2016

'ART'.


Okay, let's start this post off by stating that I am pretty drunk right now. Mixing cider, beer and vodka can never be a good idea; but it's Sunday and I have no plans for the week so it seemed appropriate. The only good it bought was the discussion upon the subject of art. Here's a quick round up on my interpretation of 'art' and my reaction towards the word 'art'.

Art can be interpreted in many different ways, and for this reason, I've realised how similar to words 'art' and 'media' are. Media can be seen through artistic interpretation, reviews, articles - but the majority is the 'reaction' to another form of media. It's a reaction, or an emotion that evokes a piece. Very similar to what is included in an art piece - art is usually created through emotive interpretations or initial reactions to other media mediums.

When we picture the word 'art', we initially see an array of vibrant, bright colours. Now I'm not trying to flaunt my egotistical side, but whenever I think of bright, vibrant colours... I see the rainbow flag. The LGBT+ community just seems to connect with the art world; and I can only link that to the fact that to the undeniable truth to the fact that the LGBT+ community can see the world in a different light.

Music is an art form. It was Isaac Newton who pioneered the 'field of colour' - appropriately noting that there were 7 prominent colours. Strangely enough, there are seven notes in a musical scale. Whether that's a coincidence or not; it's interesting to note the natural patterns of the world. Whether you listen to Rihanna, Led Zepplin or Metallica; you can't deny that music is dependant to an acquired taste. Music can be interpreted in multiple different ways, but the 'best music' is always in tune with this scale of notes. I just can't help but think about the 7 scale/7 colour theme. Maybe 7 is the magic number.

How many art forms are there? Initially we think about fine art, photography, graphics, music etc. But when we begin to think about multi-media forms, we find that there is an endless spectrum (hahah get it, another colour hint) of mediums. Drag is an art form; infusing fine art and personal expression, then presented through photography (most of the time).

But why do we also dismiss art? Why do we see some art forms and dismiss it completely? What is it about individual pieces, or entire mediums, that we just feel then need to dismiss it as a legitimate 'piece'. From this, I impose the question; "Do art and creativity correlate accordingly?" - can we see that something something is creative, or the fact that the creator has a 'creative eye', but still dismiss their particular 'creative piece'.

At this point, I'm not even sure if this makes sense; but my drunken mind is telling me that everything I type is legitimate and worth your reading time. (Aka. If you have read this far, I salute you and thank you.)

Xxx

Further reading:
'Isaac Newton's Color Spectrum Theory' - http://www.gootar.com/theory.htm


Monday 16 May 2016

Not All Music is For You

It's come to my attention that there's a niche group of people who just assume that every last song that has ever been release was created with the intention of impressing them. Now, before I continue, let me just say that this blog post doesn't come from a place of anger; it's more of a public service announcement.

Okay, so let me teach you about a wonderful little thing called 'Uses & Gratification' theory. UGT is 'an approach to understanding why and how people actively seek out specific media to satisfy specific needs'. In other words; what do we personal get/feel in reaction to media releases. The approach is great for conversation as we all read media in different ways.

Now, let's apply this theory directly to the music industry by looking at clear examples of where UGT has been mistreated.
FORMATION
   

The backlash this song received was so unnecessary and over exaggerated. After performing the pro-black anthem at the 50th Superbowl this past February, Beyoncé was accused of being part of the 'racist' Black Panther group because of visual references included the performance. I had personally heard comments that the group are 'anti-white' and in one case were labelled as a 'terrorist group'. Considering the group were advocating for equal rights for women, and were protesting directly against the government - it's confusing to see where white people saw this as a threat.

The song was also seen as 'anti-police' - again, being read inaccurately. The short film raises important issues regarding the #BlackLivesMatter programme, the New Orleans floods from 2005 and police brutality - but never goes against police lives as a whole. No violent imagery was used in the music video, other than a black child dancing in front of a (wait for it) line of police officers... standing in formation.
"Okay ladies, now let's get in formation" - they are standing up to the brutality, much like the police are standing in position. It's empowering, but clearly not trying to mock/equal the role of a police officer.

It can be said that Beyoncé's reputation has been tarnished since the release, but hey... when you've still got the team to get you a number 1 album round the world, and have an equally as successful FILM to accompany your album, not much else can or should be said. There is a reason Beyoncé is so big; it's because she is an intelligent and smart black artist with a message.

Possibilities of UGT here:
- Beyoncé as a powerful black female lead
- Feminist advocate
- Human rights advocate
- Humanitarian
- Black Rights advocate
- Equal rights advocate
- It's a fucking bop of a song, let's just listen and enjoy the fucking self empowering song. CAUSE I SLAY

BITCH BETTER HAVE MY MONEY 

It's very easy sometimes to forget that musical artists are still classes as 'artists' - whether you agree with the term for mainstream artists (such as Rihanna) or not is redundant to the quality of this post. In July of 2015, Rihanna blessed us with one of the songs that ultimately didn't make the cut for her 8th studio album, Anti. BBHMM was released and Rihanna has put under the spotlight for supposedly endorsing gun crime, violence, and the act of kidnapping. For those who have not watched, or have little interest in watching the video; Rihanna is seen at an ATM with significantly low funds after striking a deal with largely successful male (we can assume). As a form of revenge, Rihanna and her clique abduct his attractive young wife and torture her in multiple ways while also avoiding the consequences of the law. In the modern world, we can nearly all come to the unanimous decision that kidnapping is wrong - yes? Correct. But is it fair to say that Rihanna is the first to demonstrate acts of violence in media texts? No. 
With games such as Grand Theft Auto - the most fastest selling media type of all time (so far), where the objective of them game is to grind and hustle yourself through the American law system. Within the game, you are given the opportunity to pay prostitutes for sexual favours, then given the change to 'reclaim' your money by beating her or killing her. This is also not me condoning this kind of behaviour, but violence really is all around us. 'The Human Centipede' is also pretty violent if you ask me!

So why did Rihanna cause so much stir? Well, as a successful female artist, there are supposed 'roles' you have to adhere to in order for your career to grow. The main is to be a role model for a considerably younger audience - which isn't very normal for a 28-year-old woman (at the time of writing) to be doing. Having a career that has already lasted 11 years; Rihanna's going to have something to say! She's got stories, she's experienced love, she's experienced abuse. It's time for her to creative discussion - so what better way, than to challenge traditional representations of women in the media?

Possibilites of UGT here:
- Rihanna as a strong, black woman in the lead role
- Rebelling against societal norms
- Representations of various female body types within the video
- Displays alternative fashion choices within the video
- Used as a form of 'escapism' - much like GTA
- We can relate to the anger of financial problems
- The song is a fucking BOP. It was played on my 18th birthday in a club - so drunk, staring into a laser with hundreds of people around me?! Hell fucking yes.


//


So enough of these specific examples; we still haven't reached a true definition of why 'not all music is for you'. So let's look at genre specific stuff...

Many listen to 'pop' music because of the recognisable beats and comfortable dance bpm (around 128-130 bpm is average). Most popular songs is the charts are recognisable for simple lyricism and similar chord progressions. Although it's not a specific genre, it's perfectly fine for you to like this type of music! This kind of music is made with a mass audience in mind; of course you're going to find these songs your 'guilty pleasures' or the songs you can't help but sing-a-long to - that's exactly what it's for!

Dance music/EDM/Dubstep/Trap music also have similar qualities. Many songs that fall into these genres have similar drum patterns and mix well in DJ sets - they are designed to be progressive and take you on trip of emotions. Many start with a simple repetitive drum pattern and introduce new instruments on every 8/16 count beat. All of this instrumental build progresses before the 'drop' - the music has been constructed to create anticipation within you. Will it be an impressive, high energy drop? Will it be a dirty, grimy, underground base? That's why people love the genre universally.

Rock/Alternative music is centred round raw-emotion. Plenty of people will seek out rock/alternative types for a narrative and reliability factor within the lyrics. Heavy rock/Metal evokes anger and frustration - which can be used as a release for those who are fans of the sub-genre. Much like GTA is used for escapism from the 'struggles of the real world', the same gratification can be achieved with metal. Alternative music can be centred around anything from love, to mental health, to broken homes - anything. It's all about the narrative in which the artist was in when writing - and that's something really special. The gratification here is the intimacy between artist and consumer.

So hopefully now, someone will be able to see that not all music was tailored specifically for you. There is a difference between receiving gratification for the media you consume and your personal taste. My personal taste is a blend of pop music and RnB, but I definitely have my fair share of rock music and cheesy classic in my iTunes for those days where I need to evoke certain emotions. Generally speaking, I'm not a very angry person; so I don't receive much gratification, nor can I use heavy metal in my life. We've come to the conclusion that the sub-genre 'Metal' was not made for me. So what do I do? I don't listen to it. I ignore the genre. I move on with my life. There are plenty of options for me to choose - and I know that there will never be a shortage of great music in the world.

Edit:
I've decided to go for a smaller font because I thought my posts were quite over-bearing and didn't really work with my theme. Is this working nicely or am I just discriminating against those with limited sight? We'll soon find out I suppose.

Monday 4 April 2016

Kids with Divorced Parents

As someone who has been affected by divorce within the family on multiple occasions, it's come to the point where I am physically drained by the after affects.

In some ways, I was fairly fortunate that I was old enough to fully understand what was going on. I was able to have adult conversations with both parents about what happened. From this I  managed to find out what happened in their paths to lead to the divorce. Then finally, I create a mental timeline to show how long they hadn't loved each other. (What a happy person I am, I know!)
However, on the flip side, being the oldest child in this situation does have its downsides as I do become the middle man in a lot of the arguments. As I am very level headed between my parents, I do become the neutral ground and occasionally the messenger owl for them. Obviously this doesn't seem fair, but it happens.

I don't really have much to say on this subject, but I feel it's something I'm going to come back to. Just not in the right frame of mind right now considering there's a fresh argument in my head.

I'll just leave this post with an extract of what I just texted my dad on the topic of divorce:
'Having divorced parents is hard because no matter how neutrally you speak about one another, it feels like you both strive to make out one another are evil and out to get each other.'

Women in the Music Industry

As we develop on our thoughts and processes this new wave of feminism we are riding in at the moment, there is one dominating questions which bares me no answers.

Why are women in the music industry (still) being tortured?

With recent news of up-and-coming RnB artist, 'Kehlani' attempting suicide due to complications in romantic relationships; I can't help but wonder if there is a sweeping mental health problem across the music industry. Given that Kehlani isn't being directly affected by the music industry in this particular situation, it is still important to note the scrutiny she has faced from fellow 'artist' Chris Brown. Chris made a comment on how she supposedly faked the suicide - but who really cares for Chris after his 2009 incident involving RnB princess, Rihanna? Which leads me on to my next story...

Chris plead guilty in 2009 after physically abusing Rihanna after the Grammy award ceremony of the same year. Full details on the event can be read 'here' - but I warn you that the detailing is graphic and portrays a real event in clarity. The monster then goes on and gets a distinctive neck tattoo of a 'beaten woman' on his neck after the event which shows similar injuries to Rihanna's face. 

Yet here we are, in 2016. Chris still has a career, a platform to voice his opinions, and still working with top producers such as Benny Benassi; who just released their most recent collaboration 'Paradise'. Disgusting.

But torture doesn't stop with just Chris Brown; I'm sure we've all heard about the Kesha ordeal involving mainstream-pop producer 'Dr Luke'. I've already posted a detailed blog post regarding that situation - although, certain fact and opinions may be slightly altered due to more details being released. This abuse has been haunting Kesha for years now, and after having her rights to remove herself from the contract they share being denied, she is facing many obstacles. On the plus side, Luke's pro-tools for his music were recently leaked (a.k.a. the tools he uses to create every last song he has/will ever produced - meaning all his productions from here on out are now redundant.) His family have also spoken out claiming that they are all being affected by the ordeal, and there is no 'justice' being served. Whatever that means. There has however been huge public support for Kesha from various artists such as Lady Gaga (who personally met Kesha and other abuse victims through her Born This Way Foundation), and Adele who publicly spoke out at the 2016 Brits awards during one of her speeches. Yet - Sony is yet to react, despite other artists stating that Luke has (attempted to) abuse them [including. Kelly Clarkson and Bonnie McKee].

Lady Gaga is another artist who has been very vocal on her physical and emotional abuse during her 'up-and-coming' years as a pop artist. Although her abuser has never been given a name (which I still find very strange), it does hone in on the fact that even one of the most globally successful artists in the world right now can still be affected by this. Very little details are known in Gaga's case, but it's still been made very prominent in music releases such as 'Swine' and 'Do What U Want'.

These are just a few examples of abuse that have been made public - I can't even imagine how many other cases have prevailed, but never come up in the mainstream media. But there are enough cases to make this a concern - way too many prominent male figures are abusing their power and letting money get in between not only the law, but human rights. It's gross, and I for one am bored of seeing it. 

Thursday 18 February 2016

A Couple Questions...

Okay, so I went to a gathering round someone's house today for a couple hours. My attention is always diverted to my personal thoughts, and I just have a couple of questions I would like to ask...



Why is discrimination taught? 
Why would any parent teacher their child that there is a certain 'group' of people you should not associate with? Like it's one thing not agreeing with the gays, blacks, women etc. through your own self-hatred. But these people have sex, go through nine months of struggle, raise the child, bathe, feed, shelter them. Then at a certain age, when the child is old enough to understand shit, adults think they can say "Yeah, no, they're corrupt." ?!?!?!?! what.

Why are there still British teenagers who aren't allowed 'out' at 18 years old?
I know it's a stereotype that white kids can get away with a lot more shit than other people. But at 18 - when the eyes of the law deem you as a legal adult, why are parents still intervening? This is not the case for me; I go out, experiment with alcohol, drugs and sex. But I wouldn't say I'm a corrupt or troubled individual? (Open to opinions) Aren't you sheltering your kids from the real world?

Why are humans built with so much hatred?
I could just be in a really shit mood today, but jesus christ - everyone seems to be fired up all the time! A lot of this hatred is seed on Twitter because of my interest in pop culture; I naturally follow other pop culture fans, and specialised fanbase accounts. They all find it so hard to praise artists without tearing down undeserving artists! Then in real life, I live in a pretty big town with thousands of teenagers. So why is it that whenever I talk to ANYONE my age, they seem to have beef with the person I had previously talked to? 

Why is Chart Music deemed bad - when they are based on popularity of sales/streams?
Okay, the the music may not be tailored to your taste. But 1) How can you slate a collection of 40/50/100 songs entirely? Surely you can go through that list and find a handful of guilty pleasures at least? 2) Anyone with the most basic internet knowledge will know that there is plenty more music available on the internet. I'm pretty sure you'll be able to find something much worse.

Why is Uni still such a normal thing for UK teenagers?
University used to be free, and still is in certain areas. But a large percentage put starting prices at £60,000 - before even considering living fees, food, text books etc. Why does this appeal to so many people?! I've talked to many adults who have a specialised degree and currently in a job where their degree was not required. SO WHAT IS THE POINT?! 

Is it normal to feel 'too lazy to live'?
Now, before anyone reads into this as a hidden suicide message - I really would like to reassure everyone reading that I am perfectly stable and happy in life. But sitting in bed, downloading various Kanye West/Tinashe demos and listening to my February playlist, all I could think of was how truly lazy I am. Plenty of my friends are heading off to Uni, placement or starting their careers - I just can not be arsed to start any of this yet. A lot of these people haven't even turned 18 yet - why are you looking into starting a CAREER? Stop cutting your teen years short you weirdos. So when I say, "I'm too lazy to live", I probably should have said I'm too lazy to transition into adulthood.

Also, the image is a picture of me from 2008 visiting family from Croydon at a dodgy restaurant. My nan was telling me that there have been stabbings in there before as we walked out.
Okay done, thanks for reading lmao. 

Wednesday 10 February 2016

Why 'Coming Out' is Still Necessary


Right, so I've stumbled across this YouTube video of Thomas Lloyd talking about his pride and
owning his identity at a TEDx conference...


His initial question came from peers and family members who ask "Why are [you] so gay?" and it resonated well with. Anyone who knows me understands when a misrepresented group is put at large, I actively speak out. Now, as for Lloyd's direct comments on his experiences and what he has learned from extensive research, I have nothing more to say. Lloyd made an engaging speech, which included satirical references and made sure to speak out on the issue of black men not being able to speak on their experiences with the HIV/Aids crisis.

The video sparked an internal dialogue, and made me realise how everyone in the LGBTQ+ community has a god forsaken right to be as loud and out as physically possible. I'm not exactly feeling a long, emotional post today... so let me bulletpoint this.
  • When we look at the HIV/Aids crisis, there is still such a stigma against the gay community as a whole for being 'dirty' and blaming the majority for being 'bug chasers'* when this just isn't the case. There are too many organisations in the progressive world, actively looking for a cure.
  • The Stonewall incident was a huge milestone for the LGBTQ+ community - a riot in which everyone from drag queens, to queer women, and alliances demanded to be treated equally. To me, refusing to come out (if you are in a safe position in your life) is a selfish act which degenerates our community. Yes, OUR community - whether you like it or not.
  • We live in a better world now. Nowhere near perfect; but considering it is legal to be open and gay in 117 countries of the world, hiding away will not help anything.
  • If you are living in the 117 countries - the other 79 need you. The better we are represented as just normal, dull people trying to get on with life, the better chance we have to move on in this world.
  • The Human Rights Act is there to support you. Although the world does not owe you shit, it is your right as a human being, to learn what you are entitled to. Don't get me wrong - please do fight for injustice, fight for those who may not be able to fight. There are LAWS to protect you, and if you need have the knowledge to know how the law can protect you.
  • The LGBTQ+ community are being represented better than ever [in the media]. We are slowly but surely saying good-bye to camp clichés and 'butch lesbian' stereotypes. With characters such as Christian Clarke (Eastenders, BBC), Piper Chapman (Orange is the New Black, Netflix) and Henry Best (Cucumber/Banana, Channel 4). Celebrities being open about their sexualities (notably Tom Daley and George Shelley - hello boys). 
  • Continuing from the point above, it is unfair to say that gaining a job will be any more difficult. Prolific people from every walk of life are being OPEN. Music, Art, Sport, Politics - you name it, there will be someone who has questioned their attraction to being a non-conformist.
  • By not being actively out, you are denying yourself of being human. You are denying your freedom of expression, and limiting yourself of sexual and romantic choices that you secretly enjoy. If you can not willingly express love and affection, surely you are a robot?
* - Bug Chasers are gay men actively looking to contract HIV. It's been slated as a form of self harm, and anyone dealing with or knows anyone actively looking to contract HIV should seek medical help.

I can feel myself getting angry just typing this out. It pains me to see people letting the world swallow them up because their family, peers or government don't 'agree' with their lifestyle. It makes me every more angry because my own experiences with coming out as gay have proved that all it takes it to be open, proud and being a likeable human being, for people to change their own opinions. Fuck this stigma that the LGBTQ+ community hold for being extremists. Fuck homophobia. Fuck every last ounce of self-hatred that the world puts into these little boys and girls through subliminal messaging.

Tuesday 9 February 2016

An Internal Perspective

PART 1

I find it incredibly interesting that our individual lives are so unique. We have only ever experienced one life, one series of events. Our internal dialogue is our own, and a particular voice that no one will ever be able to hear (until technology improves of course, damn you progressive world!). But isn't it amazing that the little voice in our head can get us into trouble? The voice you're reading this very passage in is deciphering a message, picturing it and making sense of it in a very quick amount of time. So if we come to understand these 'codes' or 'messages' so quickly, why do certain situations or scenarios take so much longer to understand or come to terms with? Why does it take us so much longer to understand someone else's perspective? Of course this statement is very trivial, and there are very obvious reasons around it.

The logic behind this blog post is for me to make sense out of a series of events that have occurred over the last month or so. On more than one occasion, individuals have jumped to conclusions very quickly - almost as if they're reading a text message or a passage in a newspaper. They believe that one tiny passage of information is a full analysis and descriptive piece on exactly what happened. It's very easy to blame the digital world we live in; where communication with literally anyone in the planet being so easy and quick.

PART 2
Would you tell someone you're madly in love with someone you've only been in contact with for a month? Could it be argued that you are move in love with the concept of someone being there for you, and personality traits don't play a massive part? Only until this year have I realised that people, or the outside perspective as I like to call it, can alter that little voice in your head. Through the choice of their words, actions, and and common mannerisms, that voice becomes a new person.

PART 3
Outside perspectives change all the time; age, social groups, living conditions, exposure and so many factors can alter perception. But only until recently have I realised that people can have a direct hit on someone's internal perspective. Suddenly a person you've grown fond of becomes bitter and agitated. I questioned whether it was my own internal perspective being messed up, but the signs pointed to one person. Is it any surprise that the person you admitted to loving after a month has you tied up like a puppet? No one realises it's happening, until damage has been done - which is the truly horrifying reality of it all.

PART 4 - A PREDICTION
Running back very quickly to a person who once meant so much to you can also be equally as damaging. The person you're running back to has their own internal perspective - my voice is saying that this person does not help me progress in any way. They are no longer helpful in life, they are no longer part of your life, rather, someone who is 'there'. It's horrible to picture, but it happens far too often in my life. You've always been friends, but this begins to feel like a break up - even though the two were never romantically or sexually involved. Why is that? We've grown distant from each other, we argue and don't see from eye-to-eye, yet I'm the one that's damaged? Why is that? My internal perspective is hurting this time. 

interlude.
What started off as a very clear rant in my head, became a satisfying poetic justice. Although the comments I've made are coming across as very direct, I can assure anyone reading that this is very general. It's more like a general experience for myself whenever I see a friendship I believe(d) in crumbling apart. I know it comes across as soppy and over-dramatic, but after spending five hours in a car across the South-East coast of England, I've had some time to think.

PART 5
The truth is, I'm bored. I'm so very fucking bored of everything around me. As much as I find comfort in routines and schedules, I've found that I lose my purpose after a while. Having college five times a week, then working over the weekends has really affected my purpose. When it comes to weeks like this, where I'm only required to be in college for three hours in total, I sit back and kind of wait for something to happen. I rely on other people to make plans, I rely on suggestions, I rely on inspiration, I rely on spontaneous events. This is one of the only times I can safely thank my younger self for being so creepy, and gaining the confidence to just talk to anyone.

epilogue.
From a young age, I added everyone on Facebook (within reason). For example, I would go through my suggested friends and click on the profiles with a fair few mutual friends. From there, I would go through their details and see what school they went to and how old they were. As long as they weren't five years older than me and already looking to leave University, you can guarantee I was adding everyone I had mutual details with. Although it sounds creepy on paper, it meant that I was able to make so many friends for different social contexts. Whether that was under age clubbing, getting invited to house parties, or just hanging out at the weekends in bed eating pizza. Even working in retails for the past ~2 years has meant that my comfortability with strangers has increased. [Okay, don't worry, I've just read what I've typed. Prepare yourself for the inevitable 'Don''t trust strangers' post, with a very morbid story no doubt in the near future.]

To finish this post off, please enjoy this very fitting Disclosure song off of their debut album, 'Settle'.

"There are voices in my head, and my heart is trying hard to drown them out."

"You bring out the darkest side of me."




Edit: Now that this post has been published, the only thing I could think of is that life really is not that deep. Humans are literally a miracle in themselves; scientifically we should not be here. Why the fuck do I care if someone is in my life or not? Bye bitch, I'm a fucking miracle.

Friday 5 February 2016

"NON-CONFORMIST"

"Non-Conformist"

This term has always been my favourite, mainly because I identify with it so closely. I know the progressive world doesn't believe in labels when it comes to sexuality or gender, but non-conformist just seems to fit.

With a simple Google search, we find that:
"Nonconformist" or "Non-conformist" was a term used in England and Wales after the Act of Uniformity 1662 to refer to a Protestant Christian who did not "conform" to the governance and usages of the established Church of England.

Clearly this definition is very dated, but the values are still there. So here's what it means to me specifically...

Growing up, relationships have always been an important topic for adults, my peer group, and in pop culture. In my porn industry rant, I went on about my love for porn (already going against the strains of porn being a taboo subject). Not only do I love porn, but I'm gay - surely that's an an abomination against the Church of England? Okay, enough of sexuality - I have plenty more layers. So let's start with the first layer seen; clothing. My clothing has always been, at least in my eyes, experimental. Phases come and go, but I've just not clicked with fashion in the mainstream recently. Being an avid internet user from a young age means that I've come across people and individual styles from all across the globe - great fun! Let me introduce you to the No Frills Twins [pictured left], twin sisters who originally posted YouTube covers, but recently ventured into the modelling world and began releasing music videos.

This is the video that made me fall in love with the girls - but it doesn't hint at what they're capable of achieving with their looks.
The psychedelic twins mix their raspy voices with their Addams Family inspired faces to create a hypnotic persona which leaves audiences intrigued. 

My next favourite is the original $LUT. Brooke Candy tells you not to give a FUCK. This freaky princess is a feminist with a new platform. Coming up through internet blogs, and collaborating with other indie princesses such as Charli XCX & Grimes - Brooke is a force to be reckoned with. Her infamous like "Next time they call you a slut, Brooke Candy tell you not to give a fuck." will forever be my favourite line from anyone ever. Her aim is to reclaim derogatory words and phrases against woman and empower them. Her outlandish looks, and controversial raps makes her such an ideal and force in modern pop culture. A lot of you have most likely not heard of her, but all I can ask is that you check out her new new single, the Sia-penned hit 'Happy Days'. Catch her just before she crosses over into the pop industry... OR, check out the fan favourite, 'Opulence' - the title track to her first iTunes release.


Okay so my next favourite is 'Grimes'. I've known about Grimes for years now, and never gave a single fuck about her. I'm not going to lie and say I've been a fan from day 1 - my first impression was 'try hard white girl posing with a snake pretending to be a Japanese Britney Spears'... honestly, you think I'm joking. Peep Brooke in the background!
Grimes' new album is SO GOOD. Down to the point where I don't even want to talk about her too much - PLEASE, just look up everything Grimes does. She is the FUTURE.

This post is just turning into music suggestions, so let me finish by listing some of my favourite non-conformists who didn't jump to my mind at first:
  • Shia LaBeouf - The guy is off his nut, 100% of the time. I love it. His performance art is iconic, and knowing he started as a child star on Disney Channel makes me love everything
  • Miley Cyrus - The controversial bitch has near enough pissed off everyone with her squeaky clean transition. Keep sticking your tongue out and performing naked you mess. Love you.
  • Tyler, the Creator - Just look at his twitter, amazing.
  • Die Antwoord - South African rave group: obsessed with the zef lifestyle, blood, and sex. Each music video is a JOURNEY.
  • Azealia Banks - Oh the bitch pisses me off so much, but she's so engaging. She's so vocal about EVERYTHING on Twitter, and all of her views contradict each other. But wow her discography is a solid 9.5/10. Never released a 'bad song' per say.
  • FKA twigs - Non-controversial sweet heart with the work ethic of a religious figure. Again, please research this incredible figure.
ok this post is turning into music appreciation and there are drunk teens in my house night x


Thursday 4 February 2016

The Porn Industry

Okay, so call me an avid porn watcher. It's got to the point now where mainstream television is dead, Netflix selections are dry, and TheFineBro's YouTube channel is going down the toilet. Porn is great! At least from the view point it is. As a gay white male from the working class, in a Western society; I can safely practice my privilege with no shame. So here's my experiences:

I discovered porn at a very young age. I got my first iPod Touch back when I was around... 10 shall we say? My innocent young mind loved the idea of kissing. The idea of being mutually attracted to someone, and loving someone. Kissing was the ultimate goal and the true way of showing love for someone at that age. I remember googling "boys kissing" just to see what would come out, out of pure curiosity. Crappy YouTube videos of shit Spanish dramas came out of secret gay couples who would make out between shits at a bar were making my heart flutter. It was honestly mad to me - but I never imagined myself in those situation. 
Secondary school comes around and everyone's talking boyfriends and girlfriends. After my premature kissing addiction faded, I found myself drawn to a girl an started a very restricted relationship. (Honestly, this sounds like I'm going off topic, stay with me on this). We fell in and out of the relationship, as much as a 13 year old would, to the point where we both said enough is enough and we went our separate ways. Less than a month after our final break-up, I came out as an openly gay male - it confused everyone, but deep down, it made sense to me.

Okay - so I'm very proudly out now, and very open about my experiences, thoughts and opinions on LGBT everything. Seriously, I was obsessed! As one of the first openly gay people in my school, I felt as though it were my right to stand up to issues and comment on the media. Part of this meant that I would be commenting on the porn industry as a whole, and what porn meant to me

For those of you just interested in porn, read from here!
It may come as a surprise to everyone; but I actually watch gay porn. Shocking, I know. It's still such a taboo, even though we're supposedly this 'progressive society'. When I say I watch gay porn, I actually mean, me and my friends send links and screenshots - near enough analysing, and recommending great links. Thank god I have great friends looking out for me! From my being so open minded about porn, I decided to do some research on the porn industry as a whole (Who am I kidding? I watch 'When Porn Ends' on Netflix.) The documentary shocked me. It seemed that this idealistic dream to many was actually a career that would struggle to make end's meat (no pun intended) by the time actors where 26! 30?! Hardly enough time to reach a mid-life crisis. Now, of the documentaries I've watched, many have been of straight actors, and those who occasionally dip into bondage/lesbian scenes. The girls in these scenes go through so much emotional bullying to play this 'helpless' wench, in a patriarchal world. Don't mean to get all political, but I was so confused...
So here's why I was confused. I can't stress enough about how much porn I watch - I follow porn stars on Twitter, have favourite actors, and catch up on their lives. Most of it's not even for pleasure - it just all intrigues me! Take my all time favourite, Francois Sagat - a now retired star, who runs his own successful underwear line, and also models on the side. This built up, muscular, French model would be perceived as a typical straight male down the streets (probably quite douchy, self obsessed, and only got sex on their mind - sorry lads.) In reality, this business man has a very feminine side to him, and ventured into the drag community, and isn't afraid to show a beat face of make-up. 

Because of my love for LGBT+ rights, I follow many gay activists/lifestyle advice YouTube channels - including the ever popular, DaveyWavey. Davey is known for hanging out with LA's finest GoGo Dancers and porn stars, and I admit to recognising a fair few of his collaborators. So why don't we see this kind of exposure in female porn stars? I'm going to take a long hard guess at this:

It's sexism. In a world were women are becoming more visible, and faster than ever, the need for women in the porn industry is still being questioned. We live in a world were up to 70% of the popular identify as straight-conforming, yet women are still seen as sluts and whores if they DARE mention they even watch porn. What's that all about? I definitely have internal-sexism in me from the culture I have grown up in, and the social constructs I have grown to believe in. However, I don't let this define me, and I have decided to be woke up on the subject by doing my homework. 

I suppose the point of this lengthy text post is to ask, can we get more personalities in the straight/lesbian porn industry without these fake, sultry acts. I'm sure that part of the reason that most of my female friends don't watch porn because it's so scripted and unrealistic. Gay porn is so much closer to the real thing (minus the typical massage/coach & student plot lines).

Kesha's Legal Battle

So I was chilling out this evening when one of my friends dropped me a random text asking if Kesha won. For those of you out of the loop, pop star Kesha, famous for hits such as 'TiK ToK' and 'Blah Blah Blah (feat. 3OH!3)' has been involved in a legal battle against her label and primary producer, Dr Luke. The conversation went something like this:
  • dID KESHA WIN
  • the trial was moved forward to mid Feb because of the storms in america, none of the jury could get to court
  • BUTTTTT, dr lukes counter lawsuit against Kesha has been denied so HAHAHAHA
  • *Friend's Image*
  • is this a lie
  • OH SHIT no it's real!!
  • whAT
  • At the moment she's supposedly not allowed to record outside of dr Luke's company... but it's progress
  • WHAT DOES THIS MEAN
  • the final cut from Dr Luke is on the 15th Feb
  • YAAAAAY
  • There are two parts to the court case!! The first is the sexual abuse that happened - he date raped her, she would often wake up in unfamiliar hotel rooms after being in the studio
  • The second is breaking from her contract with Universal Music Group, which was legally signed by Dr Luke as well
  • so what has just happened now
  • sorry im so ignorant to this
  • ur my go to
  • He's technically playing her second manager and choosing her life for her. This happened with Britney Spears years ago as well. She was often sedated, and that's why she eventually lost it in 2007. It also explains she she kind of 'lost it' with her performances - she's very robotic now, and it's just uncomfortable to watch... Especially her 2008 Circus Tour
  • Kesha's just won the first part of the case, which means that Luke will most likely be labelled as a Sex Offender now
  • bloody hell
  • good i hope he rots
  • The whole case is being run with Kesha's mum as well. The only reason Kesha is taking legal action is because unlike Britney's family, her mum has seen it first hand. Part of the contracts means she's also not allowed to tweet anything from her PERSONAL ACCOUNT... So Kesha has been tweeting from her mums account and exposing him of all the weird and creepy shit he's been doing to her
  • wtf thats so fucked up
  • Kesha's mum has had access to the studio as she is a primary writer for the majority of Kesha's music. A lot of Kesha's style is deep and artistic, but her vision is BUTCHERED by Luke to be this drunken party girl. Like don't get me wrong, the girl is loopy.... but she's not respected by the general public
  • Anyone who follows pop celebrities and underground leaks will know that her unreleased collection is clearly the best of her discography... it's sad, honestly. She writes AMAZING pop music, but can't share any of it until Universal butcher it so she can become this huge pop star
  • this guy is a proper cunt
  • It's terrifying though, because literally every main pop star right now is signed under THAT label. It's a veeeery powerful label with a lot of money, and knowledge around loopholes. What Kesha is doing is HUGE.
  • good on her though!!!!
  • he's such a fucjung creep
  • *My image*
  • I mean... look at the first few artists when you google them
  • But Dr Luke is respected in the industry because of his accolades. He's created so many big pop songs of the 21st Century, so to get him on your roster is a big thing! I mean... Katy Perry's Teenage Dream album was almost entirely produced by the guy and the album ended up equalling Michael Jackson's record for most number ones on an album
  • Sorry I'm like full on ranting here, but the music industry are so corrupt
  • has he not done anything to any of the other women or men signed???
  • but he's sexually abusive and rAPIST might i add
  • why does that not matter to people?!
  • Can't be too certain! Kesha was signed when she was 16, so was very young and dumb at the time. She basically signed her life away, whereas a lot of these older artists worked their way up and had legal teams cover their contact and most likely negotiated
  • Exactly!! Because Universal have THIS MUCH power, American media are just not documenting it because a respected white business man is being questioned in regards to his personal life
  • The only people who are actually talking about this are people involved with pop culture! Like, I've seen plenty of feminist blogs pop up saying it's disgusting that this isn't a well known topic for the general public. Even if you're not a fan of Kesha's music... this is a woman's LIFE and CAREER being put at risk
  • thats absolutely awful
  • im shocked like
  • how the fuck is nobody mention this
  • its HUGE
  • EXACTLY!!
  • This could actually alter the charts for a VERY long time!
  • Without Luke's music, we could practically say bye bye to a lot of generic music as well
  • I'm so grateful that we have producers like Stargate, Diplo, Paul Epsworth and Mark Ronson - all white men, but they can respect females in the industry AND create hits after hits
  • (Even though Diplo has been questioned because of a case with M.I.A. but meh...)
  • I LOVE talking about this kind of stuff, I feel so woke
  • tbh more music producers come in all the time with MUCH more talent than this shitty pop stuff
  • why tf have universal not done anything though like they're a huge fucking company and he's not that good
  • Just look at his Production Discography... the amount of hits and number ones he has under his belt is ridiculous https://en.m.wikipedia/wiki/Dr._Luke_production_discography
  • Because the found of Universal is... you guessed it *my image*
  • A WHITE MALE WITH NO MORALES!
  • Jimmy Iovine is a huge name in the music industry, why would he turn Luke away when he is the primary reason he is getting paid?
  • Ok right now they're probably on bad terms because Universal will have to primarily pay for the case
  • horrendous
  • he's done loads of shit
  • AAAAAND... can I just say that Jimmy Iovine also runs beat *Insert 6 of those overly sarcastic upside-down smiley emojis* THINK OF THE MONEY IN HIS POCKET RIGHT NOW
  • Jimmy Iovine's current net worth is $970 million... compared to Kesha's $40 million, that's nothing
  • fucking hell he's minted
  • shit
  • fUCK UNIVERSAL
  • And they still say that illegal downloads have 'ruined' the music industry... HA
  • NOT RLY
  • FUCKING RIDICULOUS
  • This is another reason why Lady Gaga is respected. She went through the same sort of thing with her management at Cherrytree Records. She was manipulated and sexually abused when Poker Face became a thing. But because this was MANAGEMENT of a record label which is co-owned by Interscope (owned by none other than Jimmy Iovine), it was heavily swept under the rugs. Gaga compromised her contract and ended up being managed soley by Interscope - which is why her net worth increaed significantly. Gaga is an amazing artist and woman, but again, she's under appreciated by the GP because she "Wears weird clothes and and her songs don't make sense". A lot of this story was told in the Marry the Night video, and I heavily suggest reading some analysis of the video because its fascinating
  • what is she attempting to do (kesha) is she trying to buy out her contract or sue them or what??
  • BOTH why is why this is sOOO big
  • She's getting mild media coverage, so this will work in her favour
  • If she loses - she's lost her career and will never legally be allowed to release music again. If she wins... then holy shit the future is untold
  • and the luke cunt gets away scratch free
  • would he get fired if she wont
  • probs not
  • Oh yeah Luke will hardly be touched, he'll probably get fined a couple mill'
And yes, I did just sit there for another half an hour, re-typing this whole transcript. The story is fucked up, and I can't wait for development.